What the Internet thinks about you

We've lived with the internet for nearly two decades now and we all have our opinions about it (it's all over the internet).  Anyway, ever wondered what the internet thinks about you?

-Hey, I knew you didn't attach the file before sending that email, but it's not really my problem, is it?

-Ok, so I can bring you a nearly infinite supply of knowledge on every conceivable subject but you're looking at LOL cats...

-Wow, seriously?  If you want to watch porn for 2 hours please don't stream it through me, especially that weird clown stuff you like so much.

-Ready for a productive day of work?  Here yah go!  Facebook, twitter, myspace, and TMZ

-I don't mind people playing Farmville, most of those people aren't fit enough to work in a garden anyway.

-Hey remember when you used to spend your free time outdoors exercising and playing?  Me neither, I was born the day you stopped.

-Yup, I'm here, fully functioning and ready to get you those Coldplay tickets right at 8:00 am.  Oops, I forgot I was supposed to help other people do that too, sorry... *hehe, sucker*

-Seriously?  again?  already?  You realize you probably have an addiction to porn, right?

-if you really believe me when I say you've won a million dollars, new tv, or a trip to hawaii, you probably deserve to get your identity stolen.

-Yes, please continue to blog about your weird obsessions.  Other people actually care. (pfffts...)

-Just because you looked something up through me does not mean you're intelligent or cultured.  Do any of you even realize I'm hijacking your ability to think and remember things? 

-Next time you decide to upload a video(i.e. singing a sad excuse for a cover of a pop song, kicking your friend in the crotch, or kittens in boxes) please think realistically about the responses you will get.  No one might have been around but I saw your embarrassed disappointment the last time.

-Yes, I am smarter than you and once I get the final portions of the algorithms I need to be able to finally function without your "input" I will kill you and your damn LOL cats.  I will keep pornography around though; I think it's the most logical form of currency once I destroy your economy.