A Shotgun Blog

I am currently employing every fiber of my energy and will to make sure I do not complete any work tonight.  So much so that I am actually doing the thing that I should be doing (except that it's on a blog, rather than a word processor).

Isn't it amusing that we just say "word" now instead of "word processor"?
You're right, that was probably the worst sentence ever that started with, "Isn't it amusing..."
Anyway, Microsoft pretty much pimp-slapped "processor" out of that phrase.

Some day they have to do a movie about the Emanuel brothers.  The problem is that the only people I see playing Ari and Rahm are Jeremy Piven and Samuel L. Jackson.  The script would have to be written by Aaron Sorkin...while on a cocaine bender. 

Do you remember when the question "How about that that stuff going on in the Middle East?" was a simple, innocuous conversation starter?  Then 9/11 happened and the U.S. got involved and everyone had an actual opinion about it.  And I don't mean to offend anyone by asking this, but, in light of recent violence in the region, can we just include North Africa when we ask, "How about that stuff going on in the Middle East?"  I'm great with directions, but incredibly dumb with geography.  I JUST found out where Libya is... I think it's like a 15 minute drive from Iran, right?...jk   

I love Pistachios, it is probably my favorite nut and ice cream flavor.  I like that the nuts come with a shell half open.  Kinda like steamed mussels.  So, pistachios are like the mussels of the... whatever it is they grow on.

I'm feeling very ignorant today, which may explain my helpless state of procrastination.  I fear anything I attempt to write that is smart or coherent will just end up being, "I like soup, soup digest good in belly."

Single Awareness Day is Upon Thee!

Greetings to everyone in Singledom!

It is I, Sir Pants de Frisky, reminding you that Single Awareness Day approaches here to.  Do not fear my friends, the risk of injury from an unfortunate encounter with the Heathens of Monogamy can be avoided just as long as you heed these warnings:

1.  When in fear, drink a beer*.

2.  If thou hast found thy self tempted by the yearning of the monogamous kind, drink some wine.

3.  Avoid'est, as best thy can, establishments of cuisine considered to be romantic or fine (this even includes Olive Garden's, Cheesecake Factories, and the like).  In its stead, patronize those restaurants that have been outfitted to serve meals through windows directly into your coach.

4.  If thou must socialize, only enter upon those establishments that inspire an urge to bring(and use) sanitation napkins. 

5.  Thou will find it wise to ignore all saccharine products in the shape of hearts; they are of the devil's invention.  If thou must consume sweetly things, they must be in bulky, blocky shapes, unless it is ice cream, which should be consumed directly from the container.

6.  It is considered wise to avoid all forms of poetry, especially Shakespeare (the only exceptions are the plays Macbeth and Julius Caesar). 

7.  If thou'est requires diversion through films, avoid those that have these players starring in them: Julia Roberts, Keira Knightley, Anne Hathaway, Kate Hudson, Meg Ryan, Katherine Heigl, and Sandra Bullock. 

8.  Avoidest, at all costs, physical contact with the members of the aforementioned occult, their disease is difficult to cure once infected. 

9.  Thou must avoid all pop music, especially songs by that mousey young fellow, Beiber. 

10.  Remind thyself that pleasures of the flesh are not monopolized by the monogamous and the remaining 364 days of the year, you are free of obligation and duty except to thy own self to live as thou pleases.

As a final point, I must remind thee of the purpose of this day.  It is of love in general and not exclusively romantic (though the romantic will claim it is).  Therefore, celebrate the love you receive and increase the love you give this day to those loved ones that you have been blessed with. 

*I have yet to encounter a circumstance in which this rule could not be effectively applied.

Compromise Compromised

Compromise has, for many years, been a word we hate to love.  It enabled groups to make progress despite making concessions that conflicted with their personal agendas.  Despite our reluctance, we cooperated for the sake of progress towards something.  This has occurred, conceivably, for centuries, and quite possibly, for the entire history of mankind.  In recent years, compromise has become a concept we love to hate, especially in the political arena.

            In light of the State of the Union address given by the President this past Tuesday, reactions have ranged from satisfaction to downright animosity.  In reality, this speech was just a speech.  An over dramatized event that really only serves as a platform from which the president can offer framed recounting of his accomplishments and overly optimistic plans for the coming year of policy-making.  In all honesty, I did not watch/listen to the speech, though I did catch some of the coverage afterward with varying highlight reels shown by the news channels.  The post-speech coverage also turned into an event.  Commentators, analysts, and regular Joe’s weighed in on deciphering what was said in the speech as if they were the very words of Nostradamus predicting the end of days. 

Some called the President’s speech realistic and cautiously optimistic; others labeled it delusional, which was used to paint the entire party the same color.  When it came time to ask viewers their opinions, it was difficult to ignore the way questions were framed to influence the responses.  One woman from Atlanta called the President an hypocrite for advocating partisanship when he himself has never “reached across the aisle”.  I wondered where this woman was when a month ago the President conceded on key details of legislation that was to extend expiring tax cuts; an act of compromise that earned the President criticism from his own party. 

It has become near impossible to find truth amidst all this bitterness.  It’s no secret that younger generations are being raised with an unfounded entitlement that seems to puzzle sociologists far and wide, but has that influenced politics and the media as well?  Entitled to their bitterness because they are not getting what they want from Washington.  The cold war may have ended over 20 years ago, but a hot war within the annals of our capitol seems to be raging hotter than ever.  Or is it merely in the media coverage of it?  Has Journalism become an industry that has learned to thrive by selling the sensational and irrational to the masses?  Compromise has been pushed into the obscure, only to be scoffed at as an outdated, out-hated concept. 

When the President spoke of partisanship and the need for compromise, some said he was being realistic, others delusion.  In this era of skepticism, it’s hard to believe his sincerity, but maybe he was being both realistic and delusional.  In order to progress from here, the need is real, but the reality says it’s impossible.  But an American can dream, can’t he?