Anyway, I get concerned about how I'm going to mess up my children when I have them. I have a strange fear that I'm going to, while sleep walking, sell them on the black market (I'm gonna have to delete my black market #'s from my phone when I have kids). I also have a desire to give my children strange names. I want to name my son, Daughter. So when I introduce him to friends I will say, "here is my son, Daughter." And there will be an awkward moment where people aren't sure what gender the child is or if they might be a hermaphrodite, because they'll think I said "son-daughter" rather than my son named Daughter.
Anyway again, I decided that it might be advantageous to see if an iphone can be installed into my wife's uterus. They have all those child brain development videos now and you can just load it up on the iphone and get the kid an early start. Also, instead of having the kid listening to Mozart, I'm gonna have them listen to foreign language audio books. They'll be well-read and multi-lingual before the umbilical cord gets snipped.
Also, I was gonna look into injecting the newborn with HGH (human growth hormone). I want that baby up and running around as soon as possible. The kid is gonna be the first to be scouted by colleges before getting to preschool. Don't tell my wife. I might delay it a week or two so we can get some videos and photos of the impotent baby. Kinda like a before and after thing.
Also again, I'm thinking of developing a new pluralistic type of religion. I was gonna tell the child that we had thought about aborting it due to health complications and what not, but decided to keep him/her and it was a miracle that he's there today. He'll be religious, a virgin AND thankful. Yeah, I'm trying to make another Tim Tebow.
Anyway again again, does anyone else have any suggestions on how to make a baby super? I mean realistic super, not radiation-leads-to-mutant-powers super.
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