Phonetiquette

I think at this point everyone has encountered or been the culprit of inappropriate cell phone usage in social situations*.  It still seems a bit unclear on what is the appropriate protocol for using your cell phone when in the presence of others, professional and casual.  

We've all said/heard/thought things like: 

• If talking to that person is so important, why aren't you with them instead?
• Do you seriously need to facebook status update that we're hanging out?  Does that make it real?  
• If you look at that phone one more time I'm never inviting you over for dinner ever again.
• Checking your phone to see IF you have an alert every 10 minutes does not make you interesting, it makes needy and boring.  

Well, you get the idea.  Mobile phones have become a necessary part of our personal and professional lives, but it's important to maintain our ability to interact in person. So, I've come up with a few things that may help curb the excessive lack of, what I call, Phonetiquette.

In a date situation, if the accompanying date has stated they are expecting an important phone call then a little forgiveness is permissible.  If phone-checking is chronic and consistent:

• Go to the bathroom every time they do.  
• Yawn
• If you're a girl and you're fairly sure he's gonna be paying for dinner, make a drinking game out of it and order a shot every time.
• Text them the date is over (this can be done on one of your many trips to the bathroom).
• If you're a girl, talk about sex and how it's been a while and then pretend to get a text and tell him that you have to go meet a "friend".  

In social/group situations:

• If someone is expecting a call and leaves the phone on the table, ask them if it's alright if you put your penis on the table, because you're expecting to have sex eventually (this could potentially be used on a date too).
• Ask if you can see their phone and then stick it into your pants and say:  "I'm not giving it back until I'm satisfied!"
• Rip the phone out of their hands and yell, "You're smothering it!"
• Mimic them until they stop.  Adding exaggerated commentary helps: "I'm Mike.  I'm sooo busy and smart and professional that I don't have common decency or an adequately sized penis.."  Something along those lines.  

In a professional/work situations, I think phones don't really belong in meetings at all.  Assistants and coworkers can come and get you in pressing situations, otherwise, a good worker should have most everything squared away before entering into a meeting.  

I'm sure there are more subtle ways of improving the phonetiquette of others, but sometimes these suggestions may be necessary.  It's important to remember to actually engage people and laugh out loud with them rather than typing "lol" to them. 

*Sorry to my readers in 3rd world countries.  At least you have the internet, otherwise you wouldn't be able to read this would you?